Tales From the Crypt: Taxes and Narc Wars

Today was devastating. The scammers took my time, my money, and left me angry and distraught. They were questionable from the start. They left me with the same harassing call and message yesterday where you can only call the number back. They threatened that I had committed some crime with my taxes and if that I didn't want to get arrested, I have to call back. I called back twice and was hung up on both times. So, I figured they were frightened scammers. I got a call again today which was a little more convincing and I had more than a full conversation. I knew I was innocent and hadn't committed a crime on my taxes but this guy remained insistent and said I had one initial choice of an answer if I had intentionally committed a crime or if it were my own error. I was yelling and cussing at him at some points because they were asking for their made up full amount of 5,000.00 some odd dollars. I told them I had bills to pay and there was no possible way I could pay any large sum, and then they were asking for 500.00 saying they would do monthly payments. I still said 500.00 was too much but then he asked me if I would rather be in jail for not paying or having some kind of late bill payment. I asked if I could work something out with money and call back later and he said the minute I hung up on him, he would freeze my account and send out a warrant for my arrest. I chose to be blackmailed, made a fool of, and bullied. Besides those said threats, he had me threatened in his crackhead stalker way with his crackhead interrogating judgment where he mimicked some simple statements I already made outside of the call as if they seriously meant anything. The entire time, he made it his point to judge me, seriously dog me, and boss me around. Besides him wanting to rob me, it was like the call was most focused on the constant issue of being made a basement slave and being dogged and judged in the worst way with someone's dumb crackhead violence. He was a very bold-faced and unsaid stalker. I purposely asked him if his name was "Jim." and he said no, it was some "Dominic Taylor" name. I really wanted to go at his unprofessional behavior and the way he was keeping me interrogated and dogged in the worst intentional way and made him take a hint I wanted to make fun of him. He was so life threatening, I was mostly quiet and stayed bullied. I just took it. It was another harassing and threatening assault and although it was over the phone; I knew they were watching me and stalking me. I have audibly heard stalking comments before and it used to come as a most life threatening shock, but I've grown numb to a lot of possessive threats over the years. I still feel more terrified at sometimes more than others. I was a little terrified, but a little bit of a shameless mocker. I was a real hostage. I drove all the way to Kmart and then to my house while he waited for me to do what he told me. ………… Had it been Jim's doing, I wouldn't be surprised if he has some insiders in the IRS who would let him get away at charging me with whatever dollar amount. I believe him to be a most dominant Gaddafi Moammar who wants to beat me to death over his totalitarian ways. Who was I ever to reject him or the people he valued? Who was I to ever test the idea of being a prostitute when he more than feels he should force his rapist prostitution on me that I should pay for. I'm the one who has to pay a price, not Jim ever. He wants to protect his wealth and the wealth of his "queens." If that means corruption and death threats to the utmost extreme to keep his and his others protected, he will put my life on the line for his tyranny. Jim and Justin. Justin means it with his narcism the most and has the most severe rage at any hint of me thinking I'm too good for the either of them. It is most believably them or someone else out there who will put my life on the line for their tyranny. I hate that I have to believe in Sidney's association with them and the possibility that they were being murderously and hatefully gay against me together and it is such a murderous poison of Sidney's to have wanting to keep sleeping with me like it was nothing. I think Jim wants to own Guantanamo whether it is on purpose or not. I'm not surprised with Jim's sadism at all. I couldn't get over Sidney would be the next gang banger like I never existed and had no history. It was so brutally mean of Sidney to be such a straight up nigger like that. I could be assuming too much and getting fed lies, but it sounds like something that is possible to believe. Its sick of them to know things and keep acting like I'm that nameless. Sidney seems to have killed to have so many inhumane crimes against me that I seriously can't have anymore to say to him. He looks like he has the most severe hate against me where he probably does want to have his own hate club. He poses as severely ignorant sometimes but I can't get over he would be that ignorant with me....

random thoughts: Enough is never enough

I was surprised today with all of the things I got done around the house before I started my work day. With the least bit of things I had to do, I usually don't get out of the house until much later. I slept in and Mitzi had the day off on top of that. Some days can be very frustrating as an uber driver. I mostly make decent money, but there are days that the time just doesn't add up. I recently started with regular uber driving in the taxi sense and I mostly like the steady flow of it better. The difference is: I am sitting in my car the entire time. I've only been doing it for a couple of days and want to look up some kind of butt pad on Amazon. I just can't stand not being able to walk that long. The lucky convenience I have is doing just deliveries or a combination of riders and deliveries. On the downside, my air conditioner has another broken part once again and I have to fork out another 200.00 for it. I'm so upset over it. I desperately need the cool air. It was so rough without it and still is..... I can only do deliveries without it. I just can't put a customer through that....... I was wanting to go to church this past Sunday and was almost able but I just had too much to do and was too tired. I am still looking for a home church but haven't been able to do a lot of looking. I most especially need Mitzi to have more connections in her life and need Christianity more in her upbringing. I'll always live with or without the connections. ......... Right now, I feel more single than I have in a long time. I'm not complaining and it feels great. I may eventually feel a pain of loneliness as I usually do from time to time. No steady Bollywood boyfriends either and I would rather not be involved in that at all. I still care to find a man, have a father figure living in a normal home, and having another kid or 2. .............. Back to the job. I still can't think of another job I would rather be doing right now. Having the time for anything is the toughest thing though. It is so frustrating to not have the time for anything. I didn't go to the gym at all last week and might only be able to go for just one day this week because I have to wait to get the air conditioner in my car fixed again. I just started with the regular uber and my schedule may eventually be a little different, but busy driving times are not always predictable and can only wait to work around the available calls. I wasn't always able to start as early or finish as early as I want to. .......

Answering Only One Question

I hate I can only say that I'm used to arbitrage and constant social structures. Nothing about it has ever been fair enough and my hands will always be tied behind my back in one way or another. There is restraint; whether or not I'm the only one who is being restrained... With the way somethings were set up today; it wasn't the most seriously threatening. I do not feel completely betrayed. While I know I have never seen Bree Ann's entire judgment; I know she is a judgmental person and it is agreed that she is being called judgmental. Whether or not it will cost me my new job, this is the only answer I have to any question: yes Bree Ann is my savage bastard enemy. I will not be subjected to her judgment. I will never feel like I am the one who needs to be treated like I'm the criminal. With what was being questioned was a very savage and offensive question and I have no denying my fantasy of wanting to beat the shit out of her savage crack headed trash talking mouth. I have other enemies who I know are savagely judgmental and morbidly jealous of the basement slave I'll never be and the authority I have never treated them too. Bree Ann is one of my most mocked "superiors." The most guilty of wanting to make me into their basement slave in one way or another with several different methods other than being a savage judge in wanting to beat me into submission are Jon, Denny, Justin, Jim, Stacy, and John A. Lies, judgements, exploitations, harassments, stalking is something they all do. I know I have more enemies; these are my most common dominate savages. I may have answered more than one question, but if I am forced to be beat by someone's continued savage totalitarianism, than I will knowing it's not that I'm even willing. I will continue to have hope that I will be rescued. I can only be rescued. I will not see myself as a criminal or someone who deserves to be made into a basement slave.

Random Thoughts and Man Drama

I think I'll start with the man drama first..... Whoever has been the one playing the leader of the match-making games in the arbitrage has always been a fuck up and the relationships have never worked because of how the communication and terrible relationship format has always been. I don't know who is the mother of all Stockholm kings that will ever think any of the bollywood relationships would work. I'm not happy with the way things ended with Scott either, (but for the sake of communication), while he could have been another tool to a label of "Scottish men," I meant to target the Guantanamo Scots the most. Not all Scottish have been the worst arab terrorist, but some need to watch their backs with what their sharia laws are and why are they stockholming me and not in a normal relationship with me? Whose follower are they where I will always be stuck in the same relationship pattern? Scott, I'm not begging for you back. I still see you as a stranger who does look like he could be showing some serious red signs, but I couldn't label you as my Jihadi Guantanamo man that I know of. There is no denying you thought I was your right in another light, but you're not the worst Scott and you're not the number 1 person on my list that I would like to castrate and who knows, maybe we're not talking about the same Sam? Anyway, I think the rest of the relationship is most likely a lost cause but I just didn't want you to think that I have the most extreme hate against you as I do some guys. You seem like a typical Bollywood goat man who I have already cheated on with other bollywoods and goat men but I don't extremely hate you. ............ Not sure what is going on with Travis right now. I've had him on my mind a lot but I would guess things will most likely fade as all Bollywood relationships don't work. As much as I resist the Bollywood, I can't help but like some feeling of some companionship and comfort. He's just going to break my heart. I both need him and need to get over him. ......... Work. Super stressed because full time is now part time going into this next month. I will be juggling 3 part time jobs until I find a full time. I'm already getting ready to get started into my resume and am still anxious with wherever I will pick to work and the anxiety of waiting in the meantime. ..... I've also been anxious to get to the gym and just might have the time soon and I'm going to be getting into a diet hard. I want to get some muscle tone going first. It has been so hard to watch the weight with the crazy always on the go schedule I've had but I feel better skinny. just random thoughts, it is a lot of work to diet effectively and it is more difficult when I still have too much going on.............

Yes I'm looking back

With some furthered Resistance.................... I was going to make my thoughts a little more careless and negative but it looks like today has already been too negative with the school shooting and I have a shared sympathy and I will soften my thoughts up more where my mind steers.... I'm really not thinking anything can get anywhere now with any guys right now, but I'm in pain and in a present state of submission. I still have such a hard time in saying your name and I'll just have to call you Superman for now. While I don't feel any severe pain right now, I think things may eventually get more painful and I don't think relationships should have to be so hard. ... Did you really treat yourself to some kind of fix because you ruined your Billy Idol by either being gay, or calling me your tran? You did one of the two and I hate being called a tran. It really puts my wall up. You could appear to have some kind of regret and shame, but why did you ruin your Billy Idol like that? Where did you come from and why would you lead me on to let me down? Are you someone's follower, or you have a planned gangster hate attack? (almost along the same lines and probably association with the Pens)... Right now, anything I have to say about the issue of "crackhead love," is only in motivation to be real and have a one on one. So maybe, some people feel they have a need to prove something: maybe it is some sort of emotional proof where a person is just downright vulnerable with: "I can't handle what I've done and I did something so wrong and am in an emotional wreck because of it".... There are several different reasons I strive to be as perfect as I can, but when I miss the mark and can't always be Mrs. perfect, I don't see why I should take on an additional problem; develop a bad habit; do something that isn't really going to solve anything. (I really was going to talk in more negative terms. I really had some real insults that I wanted to lash out with sex, drugs, and rock and roll baby. I'll refrain from my own angry and violent indulgences and just leave it as: I don't like the fascist thought of being seduced into a habit I don't need. Maybe it's all on you and there is nothing influencing about it, but you know I've had some serious and severe problems I've run into after all. You know life is definitely not a cake walk on my end. Maybe you have your own blacklisted comedy where you want to just be my "drug lord," prop as I was telling Sidney in a much earlier conversation..... I don't know why you would compare yourself so much to freaky Petey. I would be careful with the name game if I were you and it isn't always safe to compare people, especially when some communications are so broad and even mysterious on my ends.... You know, I am a little seduced by the thought of sedation and roofies. lol not really too much to be seduced if I would be sleeping anyway but I don't want you to feel entirely shot down and have some heart for you on this Valentines Day. It isn't that I feel I would even need to be sedated but you make me feel a heaviness anymore and the more I know, the more pain I could most likely be in on top of the pain I'm in. Ignorance isn't my bliss either. Leaving me alone and in the dark is heavy and painful too. Shame on me for teasing you and the potential of you wanting to play with that gateway of sedatives. I won't make you feel entirely alone, but if you like to be seduced into those habits, you are. I'm not going to have any political contests or debate with drinking vs. drugs. I do drink and it is all of the habit that I need. It is as far as some satisfaction can get. Drinking can't always satisfy, neither will "other habits." I'm sorry. I just think your appeared approach today was funny looking and I already hate myself some for using my time on you when you show so many bad signs and I feel like you could be a waste of time. I'm taking the time on you and I'm sorry for how mean that is to say, but if you really want to keep me around, I need a better lead than what you give. I could have been your mistake WITH YOUR LACK OF SELF CONTROL who feels HE MADE A MISTAKE WITH ME yet WANTS TO BLAME ME BY HUMILIATING ME WITH CALLING ME A TRAN OR CHEATING ON ME BY BEING GAY WITH A MAN. YOU BULL DOZED ME TWICE ALONG THOSE LINES OF THOUGHT. I'm not telling you to give yourself another fix or take another hit. I'm just telling you to think a little more about your own recklessness and I hate the idea of you wanting to take me down without a fight anymore than what you have. There is a certain way where you look like you care and want to be at the right place and at the right time, even when you want to be here for me in a way where I don't want you to be. You look like you try to show you care about me in a certain way, but I have so many things going on right now where your acura just isn't making the mark enough. Happy Valentines Day Superman. You make me mad but I hope I brightened your day in some ways and can't say I would be too upset if I hadn't. Whether or not you like me enough to stay on your toes for me; I leave myself no other choice towards you. You like someone enough or you don't Superman.

Here I Go Again: Bollywood Dogfood

I am not saying this person's name. While I consider a lot of bollywoods the same, some are unique in their own right. This situation is a little different though. I think he could be chained in the arbitrage somehow to Erin's cousin Ryan, but I'm guessing only a military or FBI agent would know how to thumb around with Bollywood identities. So, how much of a clue it is, is limited to some anonymous people........ While it is not in reference to Erin's cousin, I have had this situation before, and it is still as terrifying as the last, but I'm going to talk about him and help him to his dog food anyway.... First off, he keeps me second guessing if he is really real or not. He is just as quiet as I am. I can only second guess if he is real or someone else is messing around in my head. There is a lot about him to guess at, so I get a little frustrated, because I can't stand to stay in the same stand still anymore. There are two things that I know, but one of the two still leaves me questioning his sincere lust because I can't believe he is real yet. If he is, I could assume he is much of a player. I could strongly guess that he has some fear of me too, but a different fear of me. If he wants me in his player drama, he has his own unfair way of just grabbing and throwing me for himself. With both the arbitrage and other random reasons, I'm doubtful that things could work for us, but a lot is still in the air. I'm upset over one thing I'm sure I know and I don't understand the why or what. I am waiting for him to know why he needs to be the one to make the move and make me get or believe something and if he is coming from somewhere. ..................

The Death Eaters: Truth or Not

Some people may have read the Harry Potter books and know what I'm talking about when I mention "The Death Eaters." In literal terms, I would call these people: people who put the most terrible and hyper-negative thoughts in your mind with the intention of wanting you to commit suicide. I'll just keep calling them the death eaters anyway. There have been a couple of nights where my mind has been plagued by some death eaters. While I know they speak the truth in some ways I can't deny and know I won't guide it the way they want me to guide the severe negative thoughts, there are other questions of high doubt and disbelief that I also get terrified with. There are two death eaters I can identify but just can't say in this paraphrase....... The fact is: I am out to protect myself. I have told some people who have wanted to drive me to suicide before that they can only murder me and I would never die for their sake. .................... I've got some drama with Ben. I know I have been treated to some fairness with being called a "schiz," in other times. Bollywood can make itself very obvious. However, if Larry were to choose to chase me and demand that he know where my questions of him cheating or being gay come from, I still have no other choice to plead "schizophrenia," with a most sarcastic murder and undertone to the people I know break in my mind. The fact is, I know I am being unfairly played. I broke up with Larry for the second time today. I had mentioned to him before that I feel I have things I can't trust about him, but have never had enough to have a full distrust of Larry. I still know I liked him, but I put it on Larry anyway. If Larry had wanted me enough, he wouldn't have so many rules, he wouldn't have been so judgmental. This is one thing I can figure out about Larry and that I don't like how he reacts to me. I'm not going to gossip much more about Larry. I'm upset over some of his dryness but I know there have been times where I have been forced to deal with an even more mental dry rape with the way other people deny things, the ways I feel raped to death and murdered, and the nerve of people to feel like it is on me to feel there is something wrong with my security after I was already attacked. People just didn't understand the blame and the rape of theirs that they wanted to put on me and they wonder why I don't trust or believe in them...... I have so many different tangents of anger right now. Besides death eaters being death eaters, some Bollywoods never stopped being bollywoods and what I am most angry with is the impossible way Bollywood wants to corner me, make my life impossible, make me feel at fault for the things I know I have no control over, and the way I can't stand up to the blackmail or the consequences when Bollywood wants to compare its most unfair world to my own personal real world. I'm mad at the Bollywood men in my life. I know Ben has no real relationship or fairness to offer. A few hockey players have no real or fair relationship to offer. I knew I knew better than to further get involved with anyone. Larry wants to blame me for the sabotage. I blame Larry for the way he wants to judge and criticize me. I blame the unfair and manipulative games of Bollywood. I hate the selfish stockholms of the wealthy and famous. While I know I can't win with Bollywood and a few others, I told Larry that I knew I couldn't win with him no matter what I said or did either. When I have suspicion and distrust, I just do. I do wish Larry would have had a better reaction to it. I wish he would have comforted and sided with me more. I can't stop thinking that he is with another woman........................ While I have some peace of mind in not feeling as buried alive; I have some anger against the most murderous dominate gossip judges and liars because I feel I have no other choice than to keep myself exploited. Just can't win no matter what I do. I know I've been taken hostage several different ways: I can only lose.