Random Thoughts

With so much terrible things and misery going on lately; I will finally land some relief tomorrow. While I still have a load of bills; I'm getting my air conditioning fixed tomorrow anyway. That is $1,000.00 total in the past 3 months on the air conditioning. Life is so tough when major expenses come up and it has definitely been such a serious miserable experience in driving around in the heat as a delivery driver in pretty much a full 2 month period. Of all the things I'll never uncontrollably have enough of, hardships are another thing to add to the list. ….. I really can't afford this weekend coming up but am making myself anyway. It is the only time that is right. I keep putting off going to a kids day Pirate game, and I can't put it off anymore. I always put things off and before I know it, it is too late. Mitzi didn't want to go to a regular game, so I can only pick a day where it is kids day. I have my niece and nephew coming in too. It sucks that it is supposed to rain this weekend. Everything I have planned on doing is outside, so now I have to search out other options to keep the family entertained if the weather gets too bad. They are staying longer than expected and the visit will be more awkward with all of the extra time. I have limited hum drum conversation with my sister. I'll never be on good terms with her, but I'm not going to feel too guilty about anything I've said. I'm not looking to pick any fights with her but I won't be surprised if anybody makes me feel blackmailed or stockholmed in some ways. Of all the times Mitzi visits her and she hosts her; I feel more than obligated to host the kids. It matters to still have my niece and nephew in our lives.... I have a couple of hunches with this Jon guy and even theories. I'm frustrated over his mystery. There is another mysterious person who makes me have some understanding with her. She is as much as a stranger but strangely makes me feel comfortable and wants to be my friend, but it just doesn't feel right to lead her on. Jon is a questionably two faced person but can have a warm and comforting approach. I think they are both really nice and don't like leaving me alone in my isolation in the right particular way. Yet, they are distant and do not completely bridge the gap. I saw a sign about the "ICE," police the other day and didn't get the message or what even defines "ICE," and what the whole thing is supposed to mean. I'm not the one who is communicating like that; I don't know why I should be made to feel responsible when I feel like I can already outdo Bollywood with my own communication. I think ICE has some relation to Bollywood, but I don't take responsibility for Bollywood. One theory I fear about Jon is that its Sidney playing his own mysterious communication guise game which is very threatening, stockholming, evil, and mean. Another theory is that it is one particular cop or what appears to be one person that is some weird entity. If the cops are wanting to reach, connect, and comfort me I don't like the creepy entity they would be. I believe it is one to two who want to reach me with I'm not alone. Jon doesn't appear to be a judgmental kind that I can see. He seems to have a one track mind though. If Jon were a cop, I just don't think I could ever be in a relationship with a cop. I can't stand judgmental people the most. Cops just have to be judgmental like that, along with being interrogating, and too skeptical. It is too much negativity for me to additionally handle. I seriously need an emotional connection in my life. Jon you are the one who is being impossible with me. You are still too much of a mysterious stranger that doesn't have a whole lot to say to me either. You want me to do all of the talking and I technically am right now, but you are more impossible than you know. I've had to deal with too much piggish behavior than I can stand and as much as you want me to worry about what you think of me, you should worry with what I think of you. Again, I seriously need an emotional connection in my life and someone who gets paranoid about having too much of a reputation of a pig. You do not want to be a pig with me.