Sunday, December 29, 2013

Happy Birthday to Me

My 20s are gone. My anger with truth and time is still ever-present and am angry at the way I have never been given the rest and security that I know I want and need. While the feelings are there; I'm not going to elaborate anymore with my anger................ 30s 30s 30s. I do hope that God has better things waiting for me in years ahead. I don't want to think of the thought of aging anymore with whatever will be happening in years to come....... Life is busy. Life is anxious. Of course the time I'm most anxious for a job is when there are too many holidays going on at once............ I am excited that Mitzi and I will have the house to ourselves in the next 3 days. I don't know if I will take her anywhere for new years or we will just celebrate it at home. We probably will celebrate at home................ I feel like I'm on this funny overdrive trek right now where something may or may not come about. I do and don't have a point with some things. I feel like I'm just at this certain pace and place where I just feel like I'm being a nonstop runner, and when I'm done on whatever this trek is, than I'm done. More movies to watch, some people or things to notice, some things to wait for whether or not I'm hoping for something to happen. I'd still have some things to keep busy with............. With Obama's healthcare, I'm really not sure what he is getting at right now. He looks pretty mad. If I could say anything; I would rather him take a chill pill.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Short and Sweet

Neither night is really good. Hahahaha someone out there has ratted that I'm on my period. hahahaahah. Oh shut up. I can dance if I want to. a little bloated and all. So, it really isn't an option if I want to be a Roxanne tonight, but I can still have fun. Everything is up in the air and I don't care. Awe, Casino Barilla, they picked on you. I didn't look at the clip the first time they posted it, because I have a hard time trusting even the online media. (msn media). Sorry if you feel embarrassed. I still want to dance with you if I ever happen to meet you out. You make yourself out of reach anyway. They did have you in a band the other night at the Outdoor club incase you didn't know you were being thrown out somewhere. I danced so much anyway, that I got a pain in my side that ppl sometimes get from running. Its supposed to snow tmw anyway ice and all, so I'm picking tonight anyway. Going to dance if I want to .

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Random Thoughts

Thanksgiving...... I will be thankful for the actual dinner. I think the typical Thanksgiving food is some of the best food. Stuffing, sweet potato casserole, Turkey, Pumpkin pie. I am doing another modeling stunt and doing it for Better Homes and Gardens. lol. Yes and no seriously. I am going to make a non-alcohol holiday beverage. I can't make up my mind what I want to call it. Cranberry bubble cocktail or Cranberry fruit spritz. I'm being all artsy about it too. Ice cubes with cranberrys in them along with frozen cranberries. This is going to be completely all of my own recipe. I had such a difficult time in making up my mind with some things, but I found stuff to put together that gives me a peace of mind enough. I'm also making sweet potato casserole. It is just fun to make my own creations sometimes. I could see myself creating an alcohol version too, but not everyone drinks alcohol, esp. kids. Have to make something for everyone. Shopping. I feel so killed anymore when withdrawing more money from my savings. When I look online through my own picks, it feels much more painless with the fashion quality and the deals that I find.... Decisions decisions. I feel I should wait until I save more to spend, but with this being the best shopping time of the year, it is just too difficult to not spend. I also need to get myself a coat yet. I'm not going out on Black Friday this year. I just don't feel like waiting in the lines. I already found several good bargain buys and only need to just get a few more things. With just a few more things, I think I'll get those at another time.......

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Letter to Joel

I know you have a big name and a lot going on in your life right now. It blesses my heart that a person like you has an abundant life. I have a complicated walk of Christianity. While I do not wish for accountability or another totalitarian in my life, I want you to know you are a person I would put my confidence in when it comes to trust and faith. I do not know the real potential of help you could tangibly give to several of my SOS's in life. I think you could have a clue to some things going on, and to have someone who has some agreeableness of faith in my life really means a lot for me. I have had a long waiting for my expectations of faith to be fulfilled. I know it looks like I have given up to some people. I am a person who lives to prove nothing to some certain types of people. I have a complicated walk of faith for the things people have never understood. I know you understand the fight of faith and some days it is easier than other days to have faith. When I have been in a long time of waiting the days get more and more difficult. There are some things I have said that I just can't or won't take back. It is the way you have lived to be an inspiration that I would have a hard time knowing I could be a severe disappointment as a partner of faith. Besides just you as a leader, there could be other potential leaders out there that I would hope has a very open-minded sense of survival. I understand leaders of Faith have different callings. I think you live up to your inspirational calling well. I've actually thought about one of your quotes in my own head and have come to my own conclusion that I may blog about later. It is just a rabbit trail for now. Anyway, there are certain instances where I believe it takes more than just inspiration to make life work. I do not want to put any uncomfortable pressure on you or make that statement sound like something that it is not. I also think it takes more than "accountability" or totalitarianism to make life work. It isn't that I see you as a failure; I understand you have a main focus of your calling. You are not a person who has disappointed me at all, and I hope you stay the same you and never disappoint me in this lifetime. I have a lot of stalkers and control freaks and I want you to know you are a person I have some confidence in to trust and be a partner of faith.

Thursday, October 10, 2013


I'm not understanding your game or why you just won't end the conversation...... I don't completely trust Bill Gates right now on msn. I believe your message from last night and am not understanding what his aggression is with you and I from him. OK, so maybe you're not gay. It is a good thing for the type of man I want, but it still doesn't change anything from what was said yesterday. Your heart is with someone else, you would expect me to be subjected or feel inferior and you would be a gadaffi in saying so. You also still want me on the side. It isn't a "complete rejection," but something that works for only you. No Tom. NO. Barella is still on my mind but it hasn't happened. There are a few other potential men that I would consider. I'm not sure what you are trying to say about John A. but I do not want him at all. I have already denied him. I don't care what rejection game is going on, my answer is no. I'm not getting why you see yourself as my hero or what it is you are pushing to. I am aware of how you broke in my head today and am just quiet. You are impossible.

Monday, September 9, 2013

mush mush

Right now, I am back in a calm emotional state. I know I could get more anxious at anytime, but right now, I am mostly calm. This isn't about being labeled bipolar. I have a lot of emotional thoughts that could or couldn't be guessed out. The main point of calmness now is knowing I exist and I know what I am thinking........ There are several things right now that I know I am capable and able of doing. How far my own choices take me or how far the world's passive-aggression clashes or not with my own passive-aggression (and knowing what my motives are) in going the distance, is just something I'll figure and find out about in time. I know about some OCD disorders. I'm not in favor of having one; or feeding another's. There are still some clues out there and mystery, but some things aren't clear enough. Right now, I am calm anyway........... I have a little bit of a shopping spree planned this week. I havn't had a good shopping trip in awhile and I can't wait to take myself and Mitzi on one. Like a typical baby, Mitzi gets bored. But, we usually go to the playground or get ice-cream. As treasured as she is, my life doesn't revolve around her boredom. We have some fun anyway..... I have been planning for a new car, but I don't know how soon that will be. It is going to depend on several things. Something to come to a good decision in whatever time..... I can't wait to get my hair highlighted again sometime this week. I'm going to go somewhere a little more professional this time. I did it on the last one.... I have my own boredoms and other things going while in my state of being still.......

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Dear Jared

Boy do I feel like an ass. I had no clue the VMA's were on tonight. I'm surprised to see you back in my life. I don't even remember why or how we forgot each other. It seems you may have had your eye on me a while, but I couldn't remember the how or why. I can't think of a reason to ignore you or try to shout you off right now. I hope you don't give me one. I know MTV usually shows repeats of their shows. Although there are a lot of artists that I don't care to watch; I would care to watch for you. A bit of fan cheese for you, If you don't win any awards, you're still a winner! "winning." Hmph. I am seeing some signs in your arbitrage. I do and don't feel the need to comment. Because it isn't a said question and that I'm not taking the pressure too seriously, I'm not going to elaborate on my view point a whole lot right now. I know what I know I said several years ago, and if there were some architect out there to revolve around that answer and obsess over my life to be put to the test to be a prostitute, I really think that someone should notice the real failure in the architect to rig my life and think their tests are qualified and of logic. If my imagination were real in that assumption, it spells out: psycho stalker who gets away with psychotic tyranny. This isn't my thought of the actual prostitution, but a little bit of an assumption. "The hunter who just didn't get it." Not a 100% sure if you are the hunter. I used to make fun of an old boyfriend who spent no time with me at all or even in getting to know me and just spend time stalking or judging me. How could he have blamed me for my actions over anything? I really hate how defensive I sound. I just know I've been buried alive too much and don't even know half of the things I've been buried under. Less talk of me and more of you. I hope you win tonight, and if so I don't mind to hear you talk about it. I feel like an ass for not getting your cd yet. Life has been crappy povertous damnation due to some tyranny. Words cannot express the anger and sadness I have for myself. I just got myself this laptop a week ago. Not intending to put you on the spot or embarrass you unless you are responsible. You don't come off as the bad guy. This is why I am writing a blog and not all over your page. I'm not wanting to rob your center of attention right now. I havn't wanted to make a competition out of it. I don't mind you being center of attention. Mitzi is the priority. I don't know if you have seen pics of her yet or not, but I can eventually post more. I'm not the digital person I used to be. Which songs are your favorite songs? What makes you feel alive or lively? (not always a safe question for anyone anymore; I've caught on to predator traps and life killers over the years) (I also know I'm not being your predator) Just wanted you to know even if we're foreign to each other, that I still have some care for you. I hope you are well. I wouldn't mind getting closer to you. Sure to see from you soon.

Sunday, June 30, 2013

More Room To Think

Despite some history as I've known it and my own opinions with $ = power, I still have my own understanding of the extents of $ = power. I am making a decent amount of money at my new job and plan more for what I'll be doing in the future from 3-6-12 months from now. Mush, mush, mush on saving money. I have had a few hints that someone is making some other plans in the future, but there is not a complete trust. Even if there is a kinder tyranny; I'm skeptical with the whispered hints. There are definitely several big things to saving money on, but when it comes to moving and Mitzi and I getting a place of our own is something I'm going to have to wait out for now. Depending on the level of tyranny vs. my own efforts towards opportunity, will I be able to transfer with the job I have now or find a different job in a different area? What if I get cursed and damned back into unemployment? Hell to raise.
As a crafter, I am deciding to call it quits for now with Spring/Summer crafting. I give up. Maybe 2-3 years from now, I will invest in thinking and creating new ideas that may sell better, but for now, I give up. The time will be spent somewhere else.
I wish I would have been able to run the Iron Furnace this weekend, but there is too much going on and it wasn't going to work out. I'll have to go for some other races later. It has been a couple of weeks since I have done some practice runs. Because of staying on my feet at all times while on the job, I'm not stressing too much over staying active.
I hate it when I have a brain fart. I invested in a 25.00 bond when I was instead intending to save it in a different way. I had another brain fart earlier this week that could be a little compared to turrets syndrome but I decided to call it repressed anger instead. I'm not being too serious with the psychology of it all.
I have thoughts on my mind right now with As The Sarah Turns while As The World Turns goes on. I'm not saying a lot for now. I am both patient and impatient in my own complicated way. I hate the anxiety on both ends of being patient and impatient. Sometimes, I wish I had all the time in the world. Other times, it seems like time sneaks up on me and what a killer it can be. Other times, I feel the need to rush rush rush.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Do you want my 2cents?

Haha. I thought it was funny. Really. Yes, it takes a cold-hearted cold-handed dead killer to kill. In some brainstorms, I'd rather keep a complex. I'll never agree that it would be ok for an intruder to intrude in my property and expect to sue me from accidental ankle break all the way to me possibly doing some more serious injury from some sort of weapon. Self- defense is self defense. Especially when it comes to an intruder and your own life could be at risk? Yes. I know your posts have been about schools and everything, but from the start, I'm keeping my complex. Furthering my complex, in most cases, I wouldn't be likely to judge the reaction of the person who is being intruded. Even if they do the total opposite like crying to the intruder's face and being their instant victim. If I had my own place and a man around the house, I would be most likely expecting him to have some self-defense techniques. I don't need a tough man contest or body building champ winner though. no.
I do yoga sometimes too. I'm not entirely into the religions of yoga, but I appreciate my own peaceful atmosphere.
I know you have a comedic personality. But not everyone has that same personality. Some people like to be taken seriously and have their limits. It isn't fair for stalkers, psychopaths, and harassers to get away with some hate, psycho, terrorizing, god-complex, or just simply insane crimes. It isn't right. With your comedic personality, your entertaining could probably get you just about through any situation. (I hope that doesn't provoke the psychos who would play the daredevil in testing you in your entertainment and comedy.)
Not sure what was going on in your world, but I'm not minding the news today. I hate that I can't remember everything in the past. I feel the need to be updated with past info.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Random Thoughts

Busy Busy Busy
Relieved to get some of my to do stuff out of the way, but I still have a long list of things to get done.... I have adjusted some to having less time to get things done, but still get anxious where I feel I'm not getting enough things done.
I finally got around to advertising for etsy. There were more things I had planned posting on there, but will just have to wait to post later. The advertising can't wait much longer. Hopefully this advertising experiment will work a little better. I have a lot of my personal crafting to get finished. I had finished knitting a purse but not finished in working on its structure. I have to work on it a little more for it to be the purse I want it to be. Socks are another thing I need to finish. I have been wanting to do some tops as well that I had originally planned to finish last year and still have yet to get around. So many ideas to complete in the knitting dept. I'm eventually going to get around to working on my gourds. I'm excited to try a few other crafting experiments but they are still in the process. Although I have yet to sell any shot glasses; I don't want to give up on them. I liked the idea of it. I liked the convenience of it. I thought it would be one of those types of products that would be easy to sell as gifts or just for the fun of it. I'll probably make just two more sets until they do start to sell. Supply and demand.
I was happy to get out last night. Some bar scenes will never be the same again and some bars I'm just not going to be comfortable in being there. I like having one or two regular bars to hang out at. Some bars are less pressuring or at angst than others. The bar I was at last night wasn't really too bad. I like they have a multiple computer game when I get too bored. Of course I liked the alcohol most of all. I'm not really big on basketball but I was happy when Indiana beat the Heat. Some competitions I've never counted as much to begin with. I don't like giving too much of a cheer for a team I would prefer to win because I don't like the idea of what winning means to some people. Also, the fact that a game is just a game. It is something to sometimes be able to be entertained at random places.
In other thoughts, I already foresee the living paycheck to paycheck torment this month. There is so much I need and the tight budget that I have is already too tight. I hope next month will be much better after I get some financial spending out of the way and caught up on the things that I need and have to have. I finally got around to getting a haircut. Woo hoo. One other random thought; I'm so happy that Mitzi is now a crawler!!!!!!!

Here are some Spritely Finessed self-advertising pics: