Something to be happy about: Sprightly Finesse

I've wished I could have traveled more and had more venues as a crafter in the past several years. I at least got to pick up some finally living here in Pittsburgh, but I wish I would have had been able to have made more of a hobby with it. Other priorities and financial demands have mattered more. Tonight I was right in center of downtown Pittsburgh, Market Square. It is a very nice location. It got very cold but the sales were better than the last one, which is more predictable to sell in the weather. Not always easy sitting in the cold that long for the number of hours. I can reflect some from the Sunday flea markets in Cumberland. It isn't the best memories having been isolated, watched, and restrained then. Although it was the only thing I was capable of enabling myself to do, I still enjoyed doing it. I have felt hunted, isolated, watched, and restrained in some instances for a long time including tonight, but I would say Market Square isn't as bad as Cumberland. People were so ridiculous, extreme, and judgmental in Cumberland. Whether I'm crafting or not crafting, it still isn't the main variable. Something follows me wherever I go. In the lightest of ways, it is like a heard echo. I'm not just hearing my echo, someone hears some things I say to my face while other messages and leads could be there but aren't always reachable or attainable if I wanted to try to figure something out. The heaviest is being judged, hunted, and over criticized. It wasn't an entirely evil night. There seemed to be some jovial atmosphere there. It's just mean for the way some people would intentionally watch me too closely to judge or hunt me. I felt very victimized and hunted in some instances where someone was wanting to force me in a corner. Somebody really wants to hurt me with how much they intentionally want me to feel interrogated, tested, and questioned. Whether or not it is the blogging that some people could have a problem with, I carry on in my own leisure anyway with giving myself that much of a license to blog over anything with the amount of isolation that I've lived with. I'm not entirely left alone, but although I'm still victimized life has improved some with being left alone and not as harassed.. I still scream to this day but earlier years were worse.... I saw the 3 present Bollywood men tonight along with the rest of the profile and it while it has always been disappointing to have the Bollywood living over me, I wasn't surprised that I still saw the Bollywood I saw. I tawt I taw. I did. There was a quick moment where there was a man who looked like Dr. Wawa was standing right in front of me. I saw him one time in Cumberland too. It was more embarrassing than to have just been a crafter in those days. I think I was too mad to care at the time with whatever impression I made on Dr. Wawa. It was like there were times his Bollywood was being aggressive for me and wanting to get my attention while I have always left him in the cold through the years, but why couldn't he just hit his own wall in his betrayal? Why did he always avoid it and act like it wasn't there? Why couldn't he see even after so many other guys that the issue of betraying me wasn't an issue he could dodge and if he seriously was wanting to be aggressive and get my attention that he really should have found something to say? While he could have been in a number of relationships through the years or even married by now, he should have understood he was his own stalwart and damnation during the times he was pursuing me. After all this time does it matter anymore? It still matters to this day. While it is so evil and unthinkably wrong for some people wanting to keep me judged in the same exact way and allow the same certain people to have reign and rule over I seriously need a fucking hero. I need a hero today just as much as I needed then. I am dying and don't let me die like that Dr. Wawa. I've probably talked too much and went too much on a brain storm but I thought to figure out something to say.