My Dearest

Why do you have to have such a killer reality? How do I sometimes get stuck with such a high end society guy? I hate knowing you can make me light headed or faint. I hate how small you can make me feel without trying. How did you ever notice me? I was looking a little at the media. I got in a little trouble earlier and was just mad at the fact I don't have your companion around. What a terrible wife I am in not consoling to you with your recent problems. While I feel threatened at a 9 from a scale of 1-10, and ten at the most, its not the same story as yours. I could wonder or question if you've murdered before or were the reason for a person's suicide but its just too mean to ask. Having some kind of responsibility with fatalities and being mentioned in the media must feel like such a heavy weight and brick for you. I'm sorry for the pain you must feel. I'm sure you've felt pain in that and in other media pressures. Today is a good day for you though. You definitely have a distraction to keep your mind off of it and a better light to be shown in. ... The beating I've taken today though is just maddening to me. I can't win no matter what I do in wanting to keep myself afloat. There is a definite way I can't argue with someone about something. My overall personal debate over my life has many things debatable but now my self financing ability has no other choice than taking a hard blow. Besides my finances is another harder blow to my respect as a parent and independent and adequate person. Your asshole had the nerve to call me a "tran," and over-looked my personal oppressions and hardships. My respect and independence needs protection the most. Nevermind that I get "tranned,"-I'd rather call it bossy codependence where I'm treated to no identity and someone wants their glory and credit over my life. It comes and goes from strangers and traffickers every so often. There are times and situations where I would still call "planet of the apes," on certain people (a place where I originally expressed and confided in a hospital). Man it hurts to have my self sufficiency and independence triggered. I wouldn't say a particular person is an ape or the abyss to everything else I vented over. The person is a look-alike of someone I knew many years ago and I definitely would despise being forced to be in bondage to her and thinking she has a seriously superior glory. Man that trafficking is terror.....I do apologize for not making better use of myself sooner in showing a little more sympathy to your troubles and problems. Would you send me some kind of console or companionship my dearest isolator?