Sunday, January 22, 2012

As The Sarah Turns

Some info flying but nothing new or anything that I believe to take serious. Well, I will rephrase that.......
There are several thoughts and people that I feel the need to be in quiet mode with. Yet, there are a few people who are being very obvious and up close.....hmph. I don't know if I should take a serious threat to watch Dr. Oz instead of Anderson.? Dr. Oz kind of looks like a local right now; a local that I have made clear that I hate. He may have something new to say. If Dr. Oz and Joe are another piece of capitalism that is serious, than I have to figure out what is up. I did get the message that Joe sees himself as Jon. Joe, you could write me a script as well because if there is anything honest to say to you, you will not like what you hear. Most likely, you will probably continue on with not hearing me at all and have more demands and expectations of me. ........... in time I will see different signs to know for myself I guess. I've already said I don't get how the system works, but there have already been occassions where people have gotten some messages across.
If it is back to Jon, I am guessing he may want me wearing the nametag of "Kathy," and "The Wife of Gingrich," not in a serious connection with Newt. Call me whatever name Jon, call me whatever name.
I think that I am also getting a message to look at another character as a soap actor. What a dark plot going on right now: a seriously violent threat being delivered and it is hysterically going through as entertainment. I just can't converse with him as I would with Jon. It is not the same. The conversation would still be awkward and I would work within my own structure to give the conversation or message to the right person. It just isn't the same. I just don't know how I would be a drama queen or make a scene on him. Awkward kind of cooperation.
Man, I hate the bad guys right now. Just give me a nametag or script.
I kind of feel a little cheesy about a rant that I had a little bit ago. It kind of was along the same lines as a message of a movie that I have talked a little over: "V for Vendetta," when I was describing my view and rants towards tyranny. Just a random thought out there.
Right now isn't a time where I feel safe or comfortable talking about any interests or crushes.

Friday, January 13, 2012

I feel like being a bitch.

Yes, while there are so many things I am leisurely with, being a bitch is one of those things that today I'm bitching at my leisure.
I have a few main men in my life at the present time. It varies sometimes with the things that I take seriously and believe. I feel I am made to wonder the most impossible things sometimes. Anderson has a good topic today that I could definitely be bitchy about and I can't help but wonder a little if this topic could be going in another direction beyond just generally speaking about the topic.......
Before I go there, I'm redirecting my attention back at Seth. I think he is giving me a clue as to what is on his mind right now. I don't know how elaborately detailed his fight or debate could be over issues of communication but I think he wants to prove something. I don't take the Mango weight loss personally or that he seriously wants me to get an abortion. I think he is trying to prove a point about ignoring an enemy or the things an enemy would do. I have already caught onto that even though some people get savagely aggressive towards me with my intentional unresponsiveness, they can either be driven crazy or other people such as Seth would put up a fight. He just makes a simple statement though defending himself which just leads back to: ok, then what is the point of your point if you're already making this simple statement? Heck, you could have even deleted this tweet. This subject really has the potential to be a serious subject with me when it comes to dealing with enemies and real life survival with aggressive people. I think his next video with the Asian volleyball game is another perception of what seems to be endless girl competition and stamina. He doesn't want to get me or my complications. I have the potential to be a sport about some things, but I'm not always going to be a sport. Seth, how do you feel about Viva La Bam? That is such a perfect example right now to continue to argue my point. I do feel a little bad for his father and wonder wtf he must have done to make Bam be that way..... But some fights are just plain stupid. Some fights don't have the values that others have. It is definitely repulsive when there was no sportiness or fairness in some fights to begin with for those same people to have ANY kind of expectation towards the person they are victimizing to be any type of a sport. You can't tell one person they have to love another or force them to share the same values of another. I hate that some people do not get the real actions in their actions on so many occassions. Seth, I obviously care or else I wouldn't be putting up any kind of counter-argument. What you could perceive as a volleyball game, I could percieve as slave labor. Depending on who and why the demands are coming from would also depend on how I would further see it: Piggish chauvenism or womanizing? Authoritarianism? Intentional and awared sadism? Juvenile Viva La Bam Jackassing? A Gangster? A Pimp? I argue that there are a number of people who are unworthy opponents. I argue that I think there are so many people that are nothing but full of themselves. I argue that some people are nothing but piggish bullshitters who know they are a piggish bullshitter to get their way in life with their piggish bullshitting aggression. Some people think way too much of themselves. All of these types of people may or may never get any type of feedback as to how they are perceived by others. Different people have different survival strategies and ways of dealing with life. Just because a person may not systematically be either very informatively wired or bowing to any pistol whippings, or whippings at all doesn't mean anything about that person. How a person is treated DOES NOT DEFINE WHO THEY ARE. Some tests are so ridiculous and invalid. It is something I feel like bitching about today: THAT SOME TESTS ARE RIDICULOUS, INVALID, NOTHING BUT AGGRESSIVE, AND PROVE NOTHING. SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST PLAIN FUCKING STUPID. AND SOME OF THOSE SOME PEOPLE DO HAVE THE MOTIVE OF BEING AFTER A DRUG FIX OR SOMETHING CORRUPT TO ENTITLE THEMSELVES TO DAMN ANOTHER PERSON.

Back to Anderson and his topic of the day. Women dating men in prison. If there are specifics, I don't really have much seriousness with the "matrix prisoning." Heck, some have already claimed that the why to everything is that I am in someone's matrix prison and their "rightful criminal." uh yeah. Damned stockholm that has yet to prove anything. ~yay for Chicago musical~ (serious eye roll)
Literal prisoners in a literal prison. I'll start with the devil's advocate before I'll go for the antagonist to it. Why would I date a prisoner? I don't consider it my truth. I get the whole letter writing process. With how the information age goes it really doesn't compare much differently to other matrix loves that I have had. These are different perceptions, but it has been such a long time where I have felt that I have been in a closer and personally and physically contacted and affectioned relationship. Letters and the matrix info can only go so far. It is very difficult and abstract to give any kind of relationship such a seriously defined meaning.
Back to the literal world........ It really is tough being lonely sometimes. Some people can be seriously and even extremely judgemental in viewing people's relationships or even single life living. If letters were sent on a regular basis and depending on how far of a location and times to visit, there would be some extent for the couple to have that regular companionship. The couple may not always get along but there can be some limited and defined companionship there where it can count. Some people are thrown into drama sometimes, in one way or another, and they end up in relationships with how some drama goes. Some people stay single despite any drama. But, for the people who do make the choice to be coupled, maybe it isn't always intentional for them to choose their significant other to be imprisoned. Some lovers have the tough love to go through with it. But to intentionally go on a dating site and seek out a prisoner? I don't know, maybe some could have the alterior motive: Shorty want a thug...........

I don't know about the men, unless the men really are turned on to a woman behind bars and the whole restraining concept. (eye roll) As for the women, they could be using the thug for the thug. I wonder on the prison site if there are options to choose from with why the prisoner is in jail? Check if you want: a robber, an arsonist, a drug trafficker, a pimp, a murderer, an assaulter, etc............ I wonder if some women plan and choose their own specialty of a prisoner. Maybe some gold diggers would want to check either a robber, con man, or money launder to have a possible future "Bonnie and Clyde," fantasy. For a woman to intentionally choose a prison dating site, I would be very skeptical in her intentions or motives to be going on it. Like any consequence to anything in life, it is on them to live with the judgement that other people could make. Keep in mind that judgement vs. harassing or stalking are two totally different actions. (Believe me, I have been in so many black sheep fueds and holy wars that it isn't funny). (It has been old).
Now, I'm going to be the antagonist. I've already said that sometimes I love being single and other times I can't stand how lonely I am. I would say if someone were to seriously hawk and judge me and be honestly accurate no matter what they are trying to prove, that person would say that I would have way too much pride as a person if there were any competition between him and I or if I was underdogged or victimized by my lover in jail. I would say it is true. I would also say the real odds of me to seriously go to an online prison dating service would be like 1 in 1,000,000,000. I still strongly believe in Shania Twain's "There ain't no particular way." song. I've also been stuck on MIA's "Paper plane," song for a long time as well. My hate for the system can also be in relation to my issues with systematic relationships. It is my own choice to decide the extent of how much I would love someone or what I would define as giving a person an unconditional love. With how shitty and unfair life is now, it would be easy to say: "How could it get any worse if I were to date a prisoner?" (I would consider a prisoner a dead weight to my personal well being and that they really don't have a lot to offer me). If I had fallen in love or had some extent of love prior? It would definitely be a complicated mess. I hate feeling damned so much already. Depending on how much I loved the prisoner, if I saw a light at the end of my tunnel where life wouldn't be so damning, it would be a little difficult (And DEPENDING) on which direction I would go. So many broken promises, so little guarantees and knowing that somethings are never guaranteed,.............. I skeptically think how could I have any hope or faith in either the prisoner's love and the seriousness of the relationship, or if there really was a light at the end of the tunnel that something would happen where life would be so much significantly better.
Presently, I am a complicated person whose world is too abstract to make any kind of decisions. Some decisions are not even existent. There is a lot of figurative talk and opinionated talk. If there was ever any in my future it really would depend on complications and a lot of matters. While I have continued to not have any faith in the present structure, I doubt in the future the structure would be any more fair or honest with me to ever get anything I wanted out of life. I'm skeptical that I will always be putting up with damnation in any kind of route that I would go. Structure or no structure, I know I can get something out of life, but I can only do so much for myself.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Dear Anderson

I seriously think it is great that you give people the opportunity to come on your show to talk about local injustices. I want you to know that I am very serious that it is important for a person to back up what they say. I am serious that if someone is going to be serious about making judgement, the judgement better not be unfair, bullshit, or onesided.
So, why am I writing a blog rather than going your tangible official route?
My own proof of life that has already happened. People were never fair to begin with. With already having a piled-up load of years of bullshit, things most likely are not going to change. I have been given the label of "schizophrenia," "bipolar," and "delusional." Am I sold on these labels? Hell no. I see myself as being psychotically damned dealing with rage and psychos on a regular basis.
You have already hit the nail on the head with a couple of things. Mind you, there have been things you have said that I have already been disagreeable with, uncertain with, or bothered with, but you have already had two issues addressed that are very right on in how I see it in my world.
One was the analogy of Syria. Another was the issue of drug rings.
It really was a combination of dealing with hate, scapegoating, and the prince concept that drove me wild at one time, but I know my innocence for what it is.
This isn't about karma. This isn't about immaturity. This isn't about being in a contest to see who is the most arrogant. I am being sincere that I think the majority of people are jealous and have a psychotic rage and anger. I don't think everyone has the same reasons for their rages or anger. I see myself being overwhelmed with victimization and the weight of it and being undefeated. I know it isn't my fault that people are who they are, have whatever problems, have whatever emotions. I shouldn't have to die either just because I'm such a hated person.
I really do think my sister is jealous and on the psychotic rage list. With how psycho she is, I give her the silent treatment most of the time and make more effort to walk on egg shells than to feed her hate or be provoking.
While I definitely have made a number of enemies throughout the years, I never saw myself as really being out to get any of the breadwinners. I will admit though that I do have some serious enemies out there. I don't even know all the names of the most local breadwinners or the state's breadwinners. Besides not knowing the names, I don't know their problems or poisons they choose. I think because I have the social work degree and am probably more biased to be the do-gooder, they would damn me for the sake of my sister. My sister is more of a convenience to them than I would ever be. I don't know the extent of the breadwinner's paranoia, and don't even live to judge them. I would make my own guesses and elaborations of the reason of dealing with so much corruption.
This town really does not have many jobs to offer. After some experience, I could still see myself as being in social work, but in this timing, it isn't my first preference of choice. I really am wanting to go into entrepreneurship and am also open to other possible job opportunities. Having a decent salary and a decent job is something that matters. I have been open to just a minimum wage job in the meantime. Both in my experience with a number of entry level jobs and in making efforts to get an additional degree in a local college, I feel I have dealt with so much jealousy and psychotic rage from stalkers, teachers, co-students, co-workers, and bosses. It is ridiculous just how inadequate people want me to feel. Besides being hypercritical of my personality (which should be irrelevant to any job to begin with) people are hypocritical with my work, with stalking my life, and even extremely discriminatory of my life. People live to entitle themselves that I should be their literal slave. They are very psycho, sadistic, and extreme in stalking to say they think they are entitled to own me. I have been extremely belittled, degraded, and condescended. I have been further abused by people arrogantly giving themselves credit and Pink arrogantly thinking she has a win with "less than perfect." They never won. They are nothing but psychos that are extremists in a number of ways and do not believe in independence but in their own supremacy.
Yes, after being screwed over so much in the workplace I literally did go bankrupt. I know for myself what my personal financial responsibilities were before getting damned, slandered, and lied about so much. You know what Anderson? Someone probably will read that statement just to sadistically force me to answer to them to how financially responsible I was just to say they deserve to have their rape.
I am so disgusted in the things I have experienced in the past several years. I do get damned over bullshit and corruption and with the way people are corrupt, there is nothing I can do about anything. People are unfair in the worst of ways. I already said the media has its own extent of having benefits but it has solved nothing. Nobody has proved anything. I've grown increasingly aware to a number of things throughout the years, but I don't see myself as a loser to anything. People are desperate, unfair, and psycho. No point has been proven at all.
I don't care how much more judgement gets shoved in my face, it means nothing to me.