Sunday, April 22, 2012

Random Thoughts

Just about my life............
I have been gradually getting a little better. I plan on starting to walk again after this brief chilled weather is over in a few days. Exercize walking. I am able to walk. I have yet to make up my mind if I will be doing a 5K in the beginning/middle of May. In being a spontaneous person, I don't always have such a serious structure especially with things like walking. I guess it depends on how severe of a diet that I'm on to how structured I would be. But right now, I am taking it easy. I guess I'll make a decision pretty soon before it is too late, but if not in May there are a couple of marathons in June I could do and I would have a better stamina build by then.
I am still getting impatient with recovery. Sometimes there are chores or lifting around the house that I can't stand not doing and having to wait for someone's help. There have been some other things that just have to wait time out....
There are still a lot of things to be anxious about. I'm glad some sales are a little better on ebay and I have products to continue to make. There is basically one mosaic design in jewelry boxes that sells well. As for the mosaic frames, the sales aren't the greatest. I think I will probably make just a few more but have more of a focus on the jewelry boxes.
I'm anxious to get a real job too but that is still another thing in waiting time out. I've been thinking more about jobs as a whole and I'll just keep that to myself rather than gab about it.
Mitzi officially turned 2 weeks old yesterday. I am getting used to the whole baby thing, but whenever I find a job, there will be a lot of more planning and adjustments to make. God, I better find a job.
Despite so much anxiety, I am happy to be excited about being on a marathon team. I can't wait until I come to some of the practices and official marathons. It definitely is something new to do other than running on my own, but I'll still probably have my own times of running, well, walking on my own.

Funny cheese I found when watching the "My Week With Mariyln," On the recent one she sang something about her own seed in the song, but this is the real version with Marilyn:

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Dear Jon

I have yet to look at all of the clips on the Today show, but I'm taking it as you're giving me some homework to do........I also could be wondering if it is you who are writing a script right now because I'm having a difficult time with breathing.
Anyway, from the video clips of your show, while there were several comments and arguments about Palin to pile on me, you seemed to put some more emphasis on one. I see it as a trunk that has several branches. The comment was when you explained why people don't like Palin and it was somewhere along the lines of: her paranoia and people being out to get her. The first branch: this really isn't a new complaint of yours. I feel 2 knives with it from you. The first knife is you know how frustrated I already am with denial and that I would most likely elaborate and explain "people being out to get me." I'm more conscious of this trick where I feel I'm being set up to be murdered in giving my explanation. The second knife is that you have never and still are not taking me for my word and remain in denial. In general terms, not just for myself but other people, I think paranoia is natural and not always wrong in the sense that it makes the person delusional or a schiz to think that they really are in serious danger. Whether or not you ever side with me on this, you and other people won't change my mind. As for trying to be more explanatory and elaborate in this instance, I'm only playing it safe with the obvious. My main focus of survival is obviously concerning finances: I have the most difficult time in finding and keeping a job. I think I've already had more of a say and explanation in other blogs but I'm keeping it brief in this instance where all I am going to say is: Yes, I am begging the question, "Why?" "Why would I constantly be reduced to nothing and people desperately wanting me to feel inadequate?"
As for the second branch in taking it, I could take it as another hit of being beat into submission because you're picking up on some of the things that hurt me. It is about you being in control.
There was another chord you struck when you said I was contradictory with capitalism and socialism and Obama also being a victim to capitalism. I don't like either system period. Tyranny and discrimination is simply wrong. Socialism can be just as controlling and irrelevant in a lot of cases. It creates more problems than solutions. It creates drama that can be distracting to a focus and sometimes just demanded no matter what. It creates pigeon-holing and judgement that people should have no entitlement over to begin with. Too many people are way too pretentious, confident, and controlling, and it just isn't right and is clearly flawed in so many ways. Some things are just meant for other scenes as bar scenes or actual social gatherings. It isn't right to be controlled or manipulated by drama in the workplace. It is rigging and corrupt, period.

I do appreciate that you're being a little lighter on me, but I know you being the good guy is only temporary for now. Another hunch as to a "why" would be either about the military or police because when I have cried for help to past Dr's they pick up on that I have been too confident for the police and military brutality. Some have already acknowledged it as that and I would even consider you being one predator of playing the role of police brutality. I still don't know what starts it and why; it is just another reminder and reason of how painful it is to have you in my life. I'm not trying to go into dangerous ground, but when I insult you and pity myself this is one reason why.
If there is still no change in my life because it will always be back to back with one main factor of paranoia and denial, I just may eventually cry again. I can't sob now, but when something hits me hard enough again with financial stability to always be impossible, I will most likely cry for myself again. My tears don't always cry to you or anyone's snap of finger.
I may have more to say later after I do the homework with the Today Show.