Love love love

I still won't say your name and can't think of a code name and although I will give you a degrading name of boat #15 (no code to the number) I am under a serious spell for you and want you to know how much I know I want you. Don't hate me for refusing to say no and showing no resistance. Whether or not I am too naïve for you, you are more than enough and too perfect. You already have me won over and if I lose you because of it; I am your best sport of a loser. Unless you severely make me feel betrayed, gang banged, and let down to become a dime a dozen like all of the rest, I think the world of you. I am tormented though. I know I don't completely have you and it is like you more than have the love and acknowledgment that I need. You make me feel like you want to be on my side and make me feel very held and like you want to protect me and I'm in both serious appreciation and in torment. You break my heart and my heart breaks for you. I'm not sure if I have you in torment over my younger age and that you feel I could be too impossible of a person for you to take and let win. I wouldn't say we are even in the torment department. …..I could be mistaken that you have a racy and semi violent fantasy out there for me where you make a blow up doll of me for yourself anyway. You play with the man's rules of protection and respect and keep me at the bottom of the ladder of protection and compete in that bottom blow up doll rung anyway. Sorry if I have you mistaken, but it would feel so good to be your blow up doll like that. You are a man I would naturally trust but you could have the potential not to be trusted with that. Do you really mean to have me so violently seduced? Again, don't hat me for not telling you "no." Boat #15, I wonder if you have more of war and anger for the self righteous or the judged or you have your own perfectly imperfect balance somewhere in between of your own set of rules. Do you see any of my judgement and are angered? Are you a Christian neo-fascist in some ways? Are there some common judgments against people you would never judge people for? You make me feel like you want to relate with me with just how much of a person's entire story matters and there are things that should be understood. I know I am a punished and hated person for numbers of reasons. Have you ever punished me? Have you ever wanted me to be the victim of my own judgment or is that someone else's doing that neither of us may not know. I may be rambling too far and you might not want to talk about things that are most in the role you play. You may have wanted to use me as somewhat of a vacation, but it isn't that you are against yourself that I would believe. Boat #15, you could have me anytime you want to. You could be too good to be true but you are a love at first sight heartbreak at first sight anyway. I love to feel your love.