Tuesday, February 28, 2017
One time was you dumping me, and the other two were that you up and "died." You know you're still here..... I am starting to feel a little guilty about taking you for granted, but I just don't feel guilty enough... "1,000 Ways to Die in the West," was a funny and cute movie. I'm sure Seth is over me by now and didn't want me to feel too bad or heart broken with Charlize around.... The thought of you and Silverman was so crazy. You weren't possessive and didn't care. It is so coincidental, but not coincidental enough. I'm not having any actual sex with anybody. I would assume that you probably do think like David and have a very open and do anything sex life. You probably are into orgies, threesomes, foursomes, are gay when you want to, and are straight when you want to. It probably is a common thing with the majority of the rich and famous. .... hmph. It is like some men want to challenge me and force me to conform on purpose. I know my own guilt in some of the mind sex. I know some people will always want to trap me in some way or another. ... Is it that I'm trapped or wanting to change the choice of what I really want in a relationship? I'll let some particular impossible types guess, but I still have an ideal relationship of monogamy that I feel much more comfortable with. I think the orgy/ open relationship lifestyle is so very depressing and it has always been depressing and unappealing to me. I know the truth of my present situation and what the real status of my singledom means. Just because I can be a whore doesn't mean the above said and etc........ Writing a blog like this again makes me feel tired, weary, and a little depressed. Maybe I assume too much with you Vonny, but maybe I shouldn't be so surprised if you are like the typical celebrity. Whether or not you're going to be my dying Kenny again, I don't know. I would claim my status as being single and talking to a few guys which mostly includes yourself...................... P.S. (I apologize anyway for an incident that happened while driving my car alone. I really was thoughtless and wasn't of any serious intention with something. I keep a lot of my "mind science," questioned and keep the presence of company questioned. In another terrible way that I was off or that you were really off was that it was Pete in my head and not you. That was a pretty impossible isolation but I thought I'd talk anyway. Yes, I was thoughtless and feel a little embarrassed about it. I'm STILL ALONE when I was in my car!!!!!!!!!!!) YOU GUYS GIVE YOURSELF THAT MUCH CREDIT OF YOUR PRESENCE ANYWAY! Shame on all of your bollywoods for giving yourself so much credit that you are here with me when I still know I am physically alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, February 10, 2017
While I still question the truth of a story and if Pete has cancer; I have no other choice than to have more doubt... Very upsetting. He came across as a sociopath juvenile last night. The one guy looked like him, but was from another country, so it couldn't have been the real Pete. What if him being from another country was a lie too? Was Pete's hair really red, or I thought it to have a brownish looking color. I was not giving Wayne any of the credit for it either... If Pete had such strong feelings against me, it is his own childish fault in acting like he emotionally or sexually cared. I keep questioning that. The doubt has outweighed my belief in him because he did show more interest in someone other. I think he meant to insult me too when he showed more interest in someone else. I still held down my personal fort with Kelly Rowland's "Representin," song. Pete obviously has a serious personal problem with the way I was never going to give up on my self worth. When my Pamela takes my bullies on; that is the emphasis I have against their hate. I'm not giving up on my self worth, and I'm not giving up on waiting for my personal Ludacris. My Ludacris will be well worth the wait, and if I never find one, it will be worth it for me to remain single than to lose my common sense to give up on my self worth for some juvenile sociopath who hates me. How vain it was and has been for someone to expect me to give in to their sick hate.