Sunday, March 30, 2014
I really did have an impression that you are a more talkative man. I guess I'm the talker who has some quiet company......... This weekend was alright. I had a little bit of fun. If you were with me last night, you probably would have found me annoying. There is this song the bands play all of the time, "Rock Me Mamma," and I sung along with it last night, "Hey Rahmy rock me." Rock me Rahma. lol. Not that I see you as a woman; it is just nice to find some kind of relief in safety. Someone sees things my way with the truth. While you may not have completely rescued me from "Planet of the Apes," you bring some comfort in my life..... I found a good looking guy to dance with a little last night, but he eventually left and did his own thing. Oh well. Saw a few other guys, but nothing really happened. It wasn't a bad night though. I'm still in a job search process..... While I don't see all employment opportunities as terrorizing, I could definitely say I see some as being terrorizing. Most of it is on job boards. Sometimes on the internet and even the local paper. There are several types of terrorizing suggestions. It is just that how could some people not see who is getting violent and harassing like that? How could some things like that be overlooked? Some jobs are not as obvious. Others, it is like I have been getting followed the whole time and someone is out to try to stay on top of me to keep me terrorized. Sometimes it is a similar job where things are worded in such ways where I know I am being stalked. It is kind of like the stalker is trying to say: "I dare you to keep applying for the same type of job." In most cases I feel like the stalker ultimately wants to say: "Yes, you are nothing but unqualified and have a learning disability." I have received those threats in the mail sometimes to apply for Social Security and make that my income for life. Do you want to talk about a hateful death threat or what? I know I'm not always being watched out for, but to me, I just keep thinking: How could people keep overlooking the way I'm getting judged and harassed? How could people not notice some things? I see it as either an entity or violent stalker who I still don't know and who gets away with such violently serious threats against me. I hate their guts Rahm. I hate the way their misogyny and jealousy doesn't get noticed. I would also hate the people who would put their trust in whoever this stalker or entity of stalkers are. I hate this town's structure. I hate how over-underestimated I am and the way people intentionally never notice how violently hated I am or how much even they personally hate me........... Finding a job really is everything and the most important thing right now. Unless the day ever happens when I find a wealthy man who loves me and wants to be my provider, that is the way it has always been. I just don't get why this has been such a long hold-up. I hate the way people dare to keep insulting me in such an indefinite, damning way and expecting me to be sold on their hatred. I know I'm too good for their judgment and hatred. One of the only things to look forward to this upcoming week is the nice weather for the next 3 days. I can't wait to take Mitzi on a walk.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
You feel like the safest right now and I can't help but be needy of you. I have some skepticism, but any time I feel I have a chance of rest or safety, I just try for it. I'm not going to make it on my Canadian trip. My bags were packed and ready, but I got violently sick. I think I got it from Mitzi. Thank goodness Mitzi's sickness wasn't as bad as mine. I'm so upset though. I was really looking forward to this getaway, and now I have to just wait it out for a later time. I didn't get a full refund back, but I at least got half of it back. I'm going to do some online shopping today anyway. But I won't have the thrill of the waterpark or clubs. I really don't know what all to think of you right now Rahm. I remember the last time you were in my life, I had some kind of panic attack, but I can't remember what it was all about or why I was so upset. It had more to do than your boyfriend and other girlfriends, but I just don't remember what my panic attack was............... I like that you seem to be on my side by seeing things my way with how murderous people are. I've always referred to it as damning. But when a group lives to gang up on and damn a person so many times in so many ways, it is murderous. I know I have been threatened and have had my life threatened in different kinds of degrees before besides having my survival threatened. Sometimes to me, it just doesn't seem that people get what they are or what their actions are, or just how seriously wrong their corruption is. How could people seriously feel that they win? You have me a little dizzy now Rahm, but I hope your day goes well and I hope you continue to support me in surviving. muah.