Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Safety First

Dear Jon,

Once again there are several things thrown out there which leave me to not know what to believe about you. I could try to go on a goose chase, but being the poor vulnerable adult and you being the typical BSr, I am most likely not going to get anywhere. So, despite whatever is going on with you, I'm just going to put my 2 cents in anyway........
I'll play along with one idea for now and act as if you were being seriously serious. Have you not already grown on me? ...... With one thought, I will let you play the guessing games with how dependent and needy that I am with you. With another thought, I think it is possible you could be the typical macho man competing with both players and polygamists because maybe you think there is more to this than meets the eye. With one thought and statement that I have made before, ~if I give a piece of candy to one person, than I have to give a piece of candy to everyone~ I said that in relation to women who either want to mother or have some sort of lesbian/bisexual relationship. I would say the same thing to polygamist men. That would really make me an upsidedown polygamist where I am the polygamist or even swinger who gets away with being a swinger. If I was forced to either go for polygamy or bisexuality; I would probably go for polygamy. Jon, seriously, I don't know what your whole relationship philosophies are and why there are certain times and points where you think some people should choose to be bisexual, but I really wish that you would respect that I am a mostly straight woman who wants to be straight. Nothing in offense to Angelina or Penelope, but I feel most comfortable as a straight woman. As a straight woman with a bisexual man? I may write a blog on that eventually, but it isn't the subject in this letter................
Right now, if you are seriously serious, I feel I am forced to either be a swinger or subjected concubine. My heart breaks in such severe ways with both. I don't feel the same with either swinger or subjected concubine, but neither take away the pain in my heart.
You hate me and test me in so many ways, it is hard to say what you are trying to prove anymore. Will you please try harder to avoid hurting me and hating me anymore? Will you please try????

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Random Thoughts

What a day What a day

A lot of emotions and spontenaity going on right now that I can and can't handle. I can make it I can make it I can make it.
hustle bustle. Sam is not my pal or friend. Sam is on my creep list. The original Sam that I met was from Colorado. He was a person I saw as just an internet connection at one time. As in the world of arbitrage with shares and capitalism, I am lost and would probably be better off if I stayed lost. Sam is nothing but a creep right now and probably forever more. Talented writer but CREEP. I think I've said it enough. Making communication clear..........
Lots going on. Getting ready for some upcoming festivals and just a bunch of random thoughts. It is back to job hunting and the whole career idea is up in the air. Don't know what kind of job or when I'll get one, but job hunting is back in the picture.
Such a big pick and choose with money and my small budget and how I'm thinking about spending. Some random small ideas: Do I want to color my hair or just keep it the same? Wait until summer to highlight it? I dunno.
I'm almost on my 4th bag of cans. I don't know if I want to just wait until I have a bunch of bagged cans or just do the regular amount of 3 to 4. It isn't a whole lot of money. If I waited for 5 bags, I could go out for a decent meal or buy something simple.
I feel like going to the movies, but if I go I will wait until Monday. I'm happy for some bargains this town has come up with. Movies during anytime of the day in Monday for $5.00 plus free popcorn. When I was in Oklahoma, there was a such thing as the dollar theatres. It was literally only a dollar to see a movie and I think most of their food was dollar cheap too. The movies weren't immediate releases; They were releases after the releases. I think before they hit the video stores though. Still, the real movie theatre environment. I went there alone or with friends. We went there all the time.  But with all the gas money which wasn't the first thought, going to the dollar movies added up anyway. Granny story of back in my day which was only several years ago.........  Suburbs and cities have different economics I guess but Mondays are still a good deal.
Mitzi already seems to be getting too old too quick. Loving the baby days. She will be 5 months soon and she just seems to be getting old too quickly. Of course I can't slow down time or keep her a baby forever, but I'm loving baby days. ........................