Monday, March 13, 2017

As the Sarah Turns: Clear Choices

This is about the exes and my rejected and me giving a definitive answer..... While there are times Josh has mentally roughed me up in person, or as a stalker, I'm not as afraid to say "no," to him... I'll stick with the subject of Josh for a little... I've noticed his arbitrage visits. There has been one man who has reminded me so much of him, and he denies his name is Josh and seriously does not look like the real Josh enough. People's looks can change through the years, but I had to believe this guy when he said he was not Josh. Although he came off as life threatening in a slight way, he was actually funny to fuck around with. I shut up when he was being too much of a violent pest, but because of the way he was an impossible arbitrage identity, I had to play stupid with him in my own way. I think Josh was the beginning of keeping me fucked with for the rest of my life as a dominate stalker. Other dominate stalkers aka Bollywood's have come and gone (and Josh did have his own leading me on Bollywood moments too like the rest), but he was never going to own up to it more than the other Bollywoods. He has recently jumped me in the mind twice, and I have been both surprised and horrified. The rat I am now is probably making some of his anger worse. I used to have the biggest grudge in calling him my "unfinished business," with the way I felt most unfairly played and buried alive with all of the talk and his cut throat in some ways. While I will always have a responsibility to put on Josh; I've gotten over my rage in the past several years. However, Josh has still fucked with me for life. While I can't entirely blame him on my own personal Britney psych-ward time period, I still have some blame on him and know there were others to blame too. It wasn't easy being called a "schiz" for the longest time knowing I had several stalkers and it wasn't easy when literally talking to the cops and being made to wear the label of a schiz anyway afterwards. While I was livid that not just my social life went down the shit hole, but my entire life seemed to too; I really had no other choice than to realize the friends I never had and the gangsters a lot of people are. Sure, I've made mistakes, but when one too many people were trying to make me their basement slave over anything and everything, I had a lot of serious terror to live through... Josh can't be blamed for everything, but I wish he would have been more sensitive to me rather than set me off and have made some things much worse... I'm not sure how much of a rage you still have Josh, but I believe you are definitely still mad at me. You would not have jumped me had you not been mad, and I know some people are keeping you watched and warned now because you are still being my stalker and a creeper. I'm over a lot of things and am glad for some good things that have happened in my life anyway since then, but I would never see us as ANYTHING ever again. If you have a continued persistence; I won't know what your persistence is for. It's not just whether you want to take my "no," seriously. Do you want to murder me? I don't know what you are after Josh................ Dana... I am afraid to say "no," to Dana. He probably does have another girlfriend or two right now. He is a Don Draper of his own, and no lesser money of a woman can be the one to reject a Don Draper. I know violence begets violence, but it wasn't my fault that someone gave you a death threat like that for me. You did something to deeply offend me though, and I'm just not interested at all. Someone could be intentionally lying against you to put the figurative Einstein meaning on you in the arbitrage, but I can't trust you at all. It was almost like you said what the devil said through Einstein. Hannibal Lecter would be believable in its own way. I'm not going to put up with the nerve of your demonizing sick judgment either. I'm not leading myself onto you Dana and I don't want you to lead yourself onto me either. I feel the most protective in making my "no," the most clear with you guys right now. It is not on me to lead you on.

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