Monday, April 24, 2017

For the Sake of Trying: I might be too real

Sidney, I do feel a little pale~ and at some loss of energy and hope. I've been burned a lot and sometimes it really is tough to make myself keep trying and keep caring. There are times I want to be left alone for a good long time and times where I seriously have no hope in ever having any good or real relationship.... A reminder that I don't know what to believe in the arbitrage. It's what you guys will always get for never representing yourself in person: me being questionable, some disbelief and doubt. Sidney, it looks like you and your girlfriend are the most serious of all and I'm just not understanding what your continued prowls are. Maybe you guys did get eloped or something, but what am I supposed to do when I feel pursued by you? I'm not into open relationships at all and I especially hate feeling like a concubine. What is saving you is your aggression and the fact that you're not married. I would have more of an understanding for your will to act like you care if your status was more single and dating, but you have had a long term primary girlfriend. I do feel burned by you after these past couple of days and an instance. I've felt good vibes and bad vibes. I'm not sure how burned by you I should feel but I have just been tired of all the games. I don't have any strong expectations of you, but what I've been needing is a hands down, serious, unquestionably sold win where a man knows how to do things my way without the Bollywood. Easier said than done, and usually when a man is too serious too soon, it scares me off. .....I don't talk about my enemies all the time, but I definitely know that I have them. Whether or not it is Bradley Cooper or David Duchovny messing with me, I despise them both. I would deem them both my sore loser because I refuse to let them have their way with me. I see them as a terrible alpha chauvinistic tyrant who is too vain and dense to understand just how ugly and piggish their demands are. They have left the worse impression on me, and I hate their distant subjective threats. I know I've seen some of Bradley's arbitrage around. He probably is pissed with how much I've told Paris to shove it, but it's their own problem for not wanting to give up on their tyrant ways. Shove both their tyranny. Shove David's sick tyrant. I have some enemies that wants to put me in the worst despair and/or humiliation to force me into a drug fix. Some gangster drug lord is out to get me. Sidney, if you want to save me, lying will seriously not save me, it will make me very very angry........ Sidney, are you really in it to make me feel more despair or humiliation in the most intentional way? Please don't tell me you have a share with David or Bradley. ......... I believe in monogamy. While I have nobody that I personally have any marital intentions with right now; I seriously believe in monogamy. I'm so sick of the games some people play. I can be a little bit of a hypocrite at times in game playing, but I'll understand some complications along with my own personal life complications. I'm still just tired of it all. In non-married relationships, I expect some seriousness to them. Faithfulness has always been a big deal, even though I get the wind of hope knocked out of me often. Some guys have just expected me to put up with some of the worst unfaithful relationships LIKE IT'S NOTHING TO BE CHEATED ON. Eventually, everything is nothing. .......... I don't know if the Kyle "iSpy," song was really from you or not, but I really like that song. I could almost question if a man wants to make me feel like an underdog on purpose, but I really like some of the lyrics to it. lol maybe you were wanting to get me with an indecent marriage proposal, and I should take some of my other thoughts back. lol. not that I would see it as indecent in the song, but with the Bollywood of it all. I'm really not against having friends. It's probably harder for a single woman to have friends than it is for married couples or just couples. I have several reasons that are difficult for me to have friends. If I find some friends, I do, but I'm not going to care too much about not having any. I like the idea of a man wanting to have me all too himself and possessive in some ways. Even then, there is still some forms of possessiveness that I don't find attractive at all. I would hope a man does know how to have the right kind of mind for me. ... I'm really not going to give myself too much of a hope right now or lead myself on too much. I still think you want your girlfriend the most. If there are lines to draw in being played or led on so much to just go for it, I'm just not going to go for it right now. It isn't anything too personal against you Sidney, but I just feel too tired and too burned a little with you and some past instances with some other guys. I'm still contemplating on coming to one of your next upcoming games soon, but I'm not sure whether I will or not. ............

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