Random Thoughts

Busy Busy Busy

Relieved to get some of my to do stuff out of the way, but I still have a long list of things to get done.... I have adjusted some to having less time to get things done, but still get anxious where I feel I'm not getting enough things done.

I finally got around to advertising for etsy. There were more things I had planned posting on there, but will just have to wait to post later. The advertising can't wait much longer. Hopefully this advertising experiment will work a little better. I have a lot of my personal crafting to get finished. I had finished knitting a purse but not finished in working on its structure. I have to work on it a little more for it to be the purse I want it to be. Socks are another thing I need to finish. I have been wanting to do some tops as well that I had originally planned to finish last year and still have yet to get around. So many ideas to complete in the knitting dept. I'm eventually going to get around to working on my gourds. I'm excited to try a few other crafting experiments but they are still in the process. Although I have yet to sell any shot glasses; I don't want to give up on them. I liked the idea of it. I liked the convenience of it. I thought it would be one of those types of products that would be easy to sell as gifts or just for the fun of it. I'll probably make just two more sets until they do start to sell. Supply and demand.

I was happy to get out last night. Some bar scenes will never be the same again and some bars I'm just not going to be comfortable in being there. I like having one or two regular bars to hang out at. Some bars are less pressuring or at angst than others. The bar I was at last night wasn't really too bad. I like they have a multiple computer game when I get too bored. Of course I liked the alcohol most of all. I'm not really big on basketball but I was happy when Indiana beat the Heat. Some competitions I've never counted as much to begin with. I don't like giving too much of a cheer for a team I would prefer to win because I don't like the idea of what winning means to some people. Also, the fact that a game is just a game. It is something to sometimes be able to be entertained at random places.

In other thoughts, I already foresee the living paycheck to paycheck torment this month. There is so much I need and the tight budget that I have is already too tight. I hope next month will be much better after I get some financial spending out of the way and caught up on the things that I need and have to have. I finally got around to getting a haircut. Woo hoo. One other random thought; I'm so happy that Mitzi is now a crawler!!!!!!!

Here are some Spritely Finessed self-advertising pics:

Christmas Cheese

Still early in the day on this holiday..........
With a list of different reasons to rate the holiday this year, I'd say Christmas is ok this year. The most positive end is that I am mostly satisfied in giving to Mitzi. There are several things I wish were different. There is one present that will be a belated gift, but I am mostly satisfied. I didn't get everything I wanted. Some of the gifts were neat or unexpected. I got a few things for my crafting business and one eccentric gift was an antique sewing machine. There really are not a lot of things that I need. I have enough clothes. It is just the larger investments that I need. There are a few smaller ones for now as well. But this year will be more possible to have a significant amount of money saved, even more if I can find the right job. While it isn't quite New Years, there are several things that I'm going to stick with and one of them is running marathons. This year the actual goal is going to be running the whole 5K without walking. I did get some compliments this year on my physique. While it feels good to have a decently slim figure, running has its own way of making me feel good as well.
This holiday felt a little lonely. I am happy with Mitzi and while I adore her baby days, I can't wait for the future Christmas' and hope that each and every one we will be financially well enough to enjoy Christmas every year.
My birthday is this Saturday. It will be my last year before turning 30. Oh my oh my oh my. life. life. life. time. time. time..........tick tock tick tock tick tock...........
I bought Mitzi some maracca's this year. I couldn't help but sing Feliz Navidad because of it......

http://youtu.be/ihW56Xa3XGQ

Just Random Thoughts

I have been still getting ready for some marathons next year. At the gym, I can almost run a complete 3 mile run. Almost. I have to walk some because my sides hurt too much. I never claimed to be a professional runner. My goal next season will be to run an entire 5k marathon without walking at all. I already know treadmills are a much different story than actual turf. Some turf includes hills. There were a few other factors that I did a running/walking combination including the weather at the marathons this past year. Anyway, my main goal next year is to be able to do a full 5k without walking. After that, it will be about the actual amount of time. I should be able to sign up for more to run as well. I hope QCS picks the same gym for next year's membership.
Holiday season. This is going to be a new change to attend family gatherings for obvious reasons. I may eventually have more of a 2cents, but for now, I'm not going to say much about meeting up with family. I am excited for Christmas. I can't wait to go shopping for Mitzi and plan out some things.
Mitzi's father was in town last week when we got the child support out of the way..... He wants to be part of her life and will be seeing her more occassionaly. It is good news and bad news. I like the idea of having a mommy break for my "me time." He isn't completely on my good side yet with trust issues............ Clash of feelings.
There have been random things in the news that I have noticed that I'm not going to say much about for now.
There is so much free time that I have. I'm still waiting for a job offer, but still plenty of things to do in my free time. More crafts to make; things to knit; things to read; netflix movies to watch; things to think about and plan. I may eventually get so bored again that I may eventually write about netflix movies. So much to do, so little time, even when there are no festival deadlines.
I hate the small area that I live in. I was hoping that care.com would be working out better, but there really are not a whole lot of babysitting opportunities in the area. I remember when I was at ORU that there were several wingmates or just other women at the school that had something similar to care.com as a part time job. There was always a babysitting offer. They were the ones who got to be choosy on ends of supply and demand. Oh well. Hopefully, I will eventually find a job. No other thoughts for now......

Thoughts of the day

What a week. Selling crafts is still on my mind. Busy month. I'm probably going to the flea market tmw to sell some stuff and still try to get rid of a bunch of books and pillows. When I need $, I need $. In saying that, I might as well spontaneously find a strip club out of town. (of course there is no comparison) It is more work for that, and it isn't a move I'm going to make yet. Regardless of the agendas of competitive hooker hearts, it really is a big deal to consider making a move to be a stripper. I havn't given myself a deadline and have already had it in my head to wait until November to look for jobs...................
Mitzi and I got our pictures taken this week. A couple of weeks to get them in but I am very happy about it. Right now, there really are not a lot of people in my life to share them with. Still, I do plan on eventually putting together our own scrap book album and a baby picture is still a baby picture for years to come and the day I can have my own nest to decorate my pics. I still see the past years of my life as tragedy and living through unjustified corruption. I still don't know what the future holds. I don't think too much about the newest Carrie Underwood song. Music is still just music but some songs I've been listening to are still good self-pep talks.
I got a good workout today. I'm loving this new gym I'm trying out. I'll probably keep going and just keep taking advantage of the QCS membership I have and coast off of that. I get a free 2-week trial anyway. If I would have known, I would have waited longer until the craft season was over, but I'm going to get some extra free time in as much as I can. Because of the QCS, I feel a little welcome, but it is one of the nicer and more costly gyms. It could be compared to the gym at ORU, but the setting and clientele are different. Until my life is financially better; I feel slightly out of place. 
Busy busy busy

Safety First

Dear Jon,

Once again there are several things thrown out there which leave me to not know what to believe about you. I could try to go on a goose chase, but being the poor vulnerable adult and you being the typical BSr, I am most likely not going to get anywhere. So, despite whatever is going on with you, I'm just going to put my 2 cents in anyway........
I'll play along with one idea for now and act as if you were being seriously serious. Have you not already grown on me? ...... With one thought, I will let you play the guessing games with how dependent and needy that I am with you. With another thought, I think it is possible you could be the typical macho man competing with both players and polygamists because maybe you think there is more to this than meets the eye. With one thought and statement that I have made before, ~if I give a piece of candy to one person, than I have to give a piece of candy to everyone~ I said that in relation to women who either want to mother or have some sort of lesbian/bisexual relationship. I would say the same thing to polygamist men. That would really make me an upsidedown polygamist where I am the polygamist or even swinger who gets away with being a swinger. If I was forced to either go for polygamy or bisexuality; I would probably go for polygamy. Jon, seriously, I don't know what your whole relationship philosophies are and why there are certain times and points where you think some people should choose to be bisexual, but I really wish that you would respect that I am a mostly straight woman who wants to be straight. Nothing in offense to Angelina or Penelope, but I feel most comfortable as a straight woman. As a straight woman with a bisexual man? I may write a blog on that eventually, but it isn't the subject in this letter................
Right now, if you are seriously serious, I feel I am forced to either be a swinger or subjected concubine. My heart breaks in such severe ways with both. I don't feel the same with either swinger or subjected concubine, but neither take away the pain in my heart.
You hate me and test me in so many ways, it is hard to say what you are trying to prove anymore. Will you please try harder to avoid hurting me and hating me anymore? Will you please try????

Random Thoughts

What a day What a day

A lot of emotions and spontenaity going on right now that I can and can't handle. I can make it I can make it I can make it.
hustle bustle. Sam is not my pal or friend. Sam is on my creep list. The original Sam that I met was from Colorado. He was a person I saw as just an internet connection at one time. As in the world of arbitrage with shares and capitalism, I am lost and would probably be better off if I stayed lost. Sam is nothing but a creep right now and probably forever more. Talented writer but CREEP. I think I've said it enough. Making communication clear..........
Lots going on. Getting ready for some upcoming festivals and just a bunch of random thoughts. It is back to job hunting and the whole career idea is up in the air. Don't know what kind of job or when I'll get one, but job hunting is back in the picture.
Such a big pick and choose with money and my small budget and how I'm thinking about spending. Some random small ideas: Do I want to color my hair or just keep it the same? Wait until summer to highlight it? I dunno.
I'm almost on my 4th bag of cans. I don't know if I want to just wait until I have a bunch of bagged cans or just do the regular amount of 3 to 4. It isn't a whole lot of money. If I waited for 5 bags, I could go out for a decent meal or buy something simple.
I feel like going to the movies, but if I go I will wait until Monday. I'm happy for some bargains this town has come up with. Movies during anytime of the day in Monday for $5.00 plus free popcorn. When I was in Oklahoma, there was a such thing as the dollar theatres. It was literally only a dollar to see a movie and I think most of their food was dollar cheap too. The movies weren't immediate releases; They were releases after the releases. I think before they hit the video stores though. Still, the real movie theatre environment. I went there alone or with friends. We went there all the time.  But with all the gas money which wasn't the first thought, going to the dollar movies added up anyway. Granny story of back in my day which was only several years ago.........  Suburbs and cities have different economics I guess but Mondays are still a good deal.
Mitzi already seems to be getting too old too quick. Loving the baby days. She will be 5 months soon and she just seems to be getting old too quickly. Of course I can't slow down time or keep her a baby forever, but I'm loving baby days. ........................

Dying

I can only put myself out of my misery.
What a long death/kill whatever.
The matador concept is a very big truth and I know what my real perception is no matter what anyone says or assumes. The game isn't always the concept of the matador, but most often, it is just fights fights fights fights fights.....
I see your raging bull continues on with the whole gitmo thing. Fine, you can have it your way. Forget the lust I have for you, I will go for the real literal bull and fucking hump that thing to pieces:

Look at that sexy bitch. One of its damn horns is already ripped off dammit.
(Jon I swear if you seriously put my money where my mouth is I will neverendingly scream for justice and want you murdered for the sex offender you have been. )

<a href="http://photobucket.com/images/bull" target="_blank"><img src="http://i578.photobucket.com/albums/ss224/NPKillion/BULL.jpg" border="0" alt="bull Pictures, Images and Photos"/></a>

http://i578.photobucket.com/albums/ss224/NPKillion/BULL.jpg
Further on with some role playing, and continued objectification games or whatever it is with you.
If I am the one who is the matador, this is the way it is going to be:

Tom Petty- Last Dance With Mary Jane
http://youtu.be/aowSGxim_O8

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Limp fuck after limp fuck after limp fuck. I know we have never fucked but I've seen the perv you are and that you sexually correlate things anyway.

If I am the one who is the bull. It is more like a dumbass deer looking in a car's headlights. What the hell is your matador trying to achieve? What the fuck am I supposed to do with more insults and offenses? I'd probably just sit there and keep staring at you. hhhmmmmmmmmm? hhhuuuuhhhhhh?

I really do feel violently insulted and offended. I can't take your hate or your lies or your truth. So many times you bullshit and play games, I don't know what your lies or truths are. You make your hate very clear. And afterawhile, things die and your continued fights fights fights just are pointless. Fine, you hate me, you want to use and abuse me in your own ways that have yet to make sense.