Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Dear Jon

Ok, some specifics. I'll start with some clarity. When I called someone a womanizer the day of one of my first prenatal visits, I wasn't quite sure to assume who I was talking to. I never called one of my Dr's a rapist, you're only creating your own story. There is a possibility he could be responsible in some of the tyranny I've dealt with. I've already been given a hint at one of the Dr's and who she shares a connection with. But, when I initially walked into the office; I didn't really know how I should really perceive the picture.
When I said the term "womanizer," I was directing it most at the person who wrote the article of the picture of the meal I had the previous day: beef and brocolli. Talk about heavy duty stalking and harassment; I don't even know who said it. It is possible that the Dr. could have been a little womanizing in an online article of a story where he felt like a bad man for being a millionare and saying I deserved to have money and that he felt sorry to make me inferior to whatever person he is in a relationship with. It is guesses really.
There was one time during a class that the hospital alarm went off and there was a code red on a different floor. I also have not liked the teacher and have already made a few complaints to some people that I don't like the teacher. And as I've told them already: I'm not there for the teacher; I'm there for the class.
The most obvious paranoia towards you was with the heart Dr, but Jon, I do get the impression that you want to seduce me with playing Dr.... Jon, I really do hate that I have to say you are pretty good at some of your seduction games. It still doesn't feel right to let myself be seduced. You have done some of the worst things to me. I think you even intentionally want me to be digusted with you at times. You really have me at a time where no matter what emotion I have, I don't think it's going to make much of a difference to you. Besides it not feeling right emotionally, it is the disgusting things you have already done that make me feel embarassed to be seduced by you. If you're going to seduce me anyway, I'd rather not be reminded of reasons to be embarassed. I think you have your own paranormal, indescribable way of hacking in my head sometimes, and I don't really know what to say to you with a number of things.
I really don't like the position you're putting me in right now. I'd rather not this conversation be so out there and exposed, especially when some of the info is in regards to where I will be giving birth. I wish you would have found a different way to connect to me by now.
I don't know what else you want right now. I might pick up on things later. I did watch the movie "Selena," and the movie didn't even say what the reason was over the person who murdered her. Oh that's right it was actually a woman. It didn't make any sense why she murdered Selena. If I am supposed to be paranoid; I don't know how this movie would correlate to me in being worried over being murdered. I am just now watching Jersey Shore and Mad Men and I am also going to catch up on Jon Benjamin has a Van. I will probably add that to the list today too.
Nothing much else to say; Still early in the day.

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